He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
