apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
