We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
