allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
