i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize