eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
