Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
