can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
