Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
