just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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