I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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