Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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