there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize