the condom got lost in my hair
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
