I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
