I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
