Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
