I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
