Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
