After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
