Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
