I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
