8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
