She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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