what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
