Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
