I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I only lived at night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
