yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
