So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
