When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
