This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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