how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
