She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
