she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
