im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
