Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
