just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
