i think my tv is drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
