Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
