hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
