my mouth tastes like poor choices
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
