i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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