found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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