everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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