...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
