That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
