ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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