Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
