I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
