hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
