I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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