a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
