i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We got so high we made milksteak
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
