What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
