i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
