is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
