she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
