Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
