Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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