oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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