yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
