wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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