Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
