Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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