And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
