I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
